Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hope. Show all posts

Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Pain That Perfects

The door opened and a slender figure carrying a two year old boy on her hip entered.

An expression of relief spread over her countenance shadowing the fatigue and exasperation after waiting in a long queue forgoing her breakfast. Holding her son with one hand, she held out the case sheet to the junior surgeon standing near a raised bed. She was tall and thin, modestly dressed and her hair properly kempt. It was hard to tell from the first glance that she was bitten by poverty. It required a closer and a keen look to reveal that her clothes were very old and her hair were losing pigments and appeared too brittle. The boy she was carrying was wearing a short pant and a dirty tee. He had those big round eyes which were now scanning the shabby little room with curiosity.

The junior resident got the case sheet and went through the notes written by a senior surgeon. The notes described how the disease started its manifestations and how it has progressed so far. At the end was written instructions for the junior resident for the minor surgical procedure to be carried out to relieve the patient of the symptoms. This particular case notes ended " Incision & Drainage". The little boy had an abscess full of purulent pus on his chest that has to be incised and drained.

Now in this hospital it was a common practice to do incision and drainage of small abscesses without the use of any anaesthetic. There were many reasons they gave supporting it but still, in my opinion, it was simply one of the cruellest forms of surgery. The pain will be sort-lived, of course, but would be excruciating. Imagine the scalpel cutting through the already tense skin covering an inflamed abscess. Whatever it was, no one questioned such practices. Such practices have been in use since no one remembered when and it had come to be accepted routine and normal.

The junior surgeon gestured and the lady moved closer to the examination couch. She made the boy lie down on it. The junior surgeon was assisted by a uninterested orderly who stood by his side passing on the gloves, instruments and the other things needed. No time was wasted. The boy's chest was cleaned and the instruments to cut open the abscess were all ready in the hands of the confident surgeon.

The next 15-20 minutes were hell for the little boy and everyone around. He made a loud cry with his shrill voice. It made me very sad. But as kept watching, I noticed something very strange. The boy's mother was forcing him to stay still when the surgeon cut open his chest abscess. I saw tears rolling down the mother's cheek but she was determined not to let her child move. In a way, she was imposing so much pain on him but, at the same time, was silently suffering as well.

Why would she put her own child under the knife?
Why would she not let him alone?

She believed that the abscess was going to harm her child. She believed that though the surgeon would impose more pain, the pain would be temporary and do good.

Life does this to us at times. There'no no way of escaping from pain but just endure and let it perfect you.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” 
― Oprah Winfrey


Saturday, August 17, 2013

Troubles & Tribulations of a 24-Year Old Bachelor!



It had dawned just like any another day. Nothing was too special nor too tragic about the day that it was worth any iota of my remembrance. Until...

"Don't give up hope. Everything will be all right, things will change for the better"

"What's wrong? You know you can discuss freely, right?"

What's wrong? Why is everyone acting so weird? I pondered. "Nothing", I murmured back.

I fell exhausted on my bed, my thoughts still researching what had called for such exaggerated concern all of a sudden. My curiosity only grew more and finally deciding to know the reason, I stormed out of my room and asked her. Momentarily taking her eyes off the computer screen, she looked at me over her glasses and answered me in gestures by stroking her chin I mimicked the same and my hands could feel the coarse bristles of overgrown hair on my beard. 

Phew... My dear God, why is it that I am always lazy and slack when I don't get things done in time but when I don't get a shave on time and grow a beard it becomes a quintessence of depression and love failure. This was not the sole occurrence of such demeanour, I realize that I've been facing certain troubles which I could say are rather peculiar to my present status: A Bachelor!

The other day, I was about to put a whole gulab jamun into my mouth. I was holding it in my hand. The sweet jaggery was almost dripping. It was looking so delicious and my mouth had already started watering. Ah...that happy reunion, that fleeting sweet love affair that was about to happen then was aberrantly broken off by an offbeat question from some nonchalant voice from behind.

"When are you getting married?"

I turned around and the gulab jamun clutched in my hand was carefully snatched. And before I could make a move or open my mouth, that slender figure disappeared amongst the crowd. I did not complain because it was a marriage reception that I was attending. I could get more gulab jamuns, as much as it pleased me. But that question put me out of mood for food.

I lay awake in my bed that night pondering over that disturbing question. "When will I get married?" I kept asking myself. Normally I wouldn't let such thoughts disturb me. But then, recently I had developed such anuptaphobia that I had asked such questions to myself several times before. All of my anuptaphobia stems from the fact that I live in an environment where love is just trampled over by the self-centred, the self-indulgent and the proud. No day ever passes without the sad story of the unfortunate love failures, marriages in shambles and desperate singles.

I have received so much advice so far that I can almost write a "How to find a girl for marriage" book out of it. Some excerpts...

"Keep searching. Keep trying. You'll will surely hit"

"Go girl hunting yaar, you're wasting your time"

"Get yourself registered in a matrimonial and find a girl soon, isn't it getting late?"

I am just 24 years old. Some feel it's too early (for marriage), some, too late. To be frank, I keep oscillating between the two like a disturbed pendulum pushed by people on either sides. There are times when I simply don't care and there are times when I am totally bothered and apprehensive. The fact is I do believe in a God and I know things will go on well for me. But then, God helps those who help themselves. There is a fine line between when you should be patient and hopeful and when you should take a step of action, a leap, courageously. And this fine faint line is seen by a wisdom which I am in desperate need right now.



Friday, June 7, 2013

Dengue did not kill, despair almost did !

It was during the later half of my study holidays before the pre-final MBBS university exams, the time when a sense of fear and helplessness finally motivated me to start reading. On that evening, just 3 days before the first theory exam, I found myself lying on the bed with the book, casually reading. Suddenly, I felt the room get colder. I got up and turned off the fan and lay again. I felt a little fatigued too. I didn't bother much. I kept reading. But an uncomfortable feeling soon overcame me. I thought I might be running a fever. So I touched my forehead and felt it a little warmer than usual. I didn't understand why nor did I bother to take a pill. I kept on reading and checking my mobile phone for texts, as usual. But, in a matter of few minutes, I could feel my hot breath hit my chest. I was getting heated up and my skin was now feeling like a hot pot. I was a little disturbed. I took a paracetamol tablet, kept my book aside, put off the lights and closed my eyes. I hoped that everything would be OK when I woke up. I didn't speak about it to anybody in the house. It was around 8.30 pm when I fell asleep. It probably might have been very strange for others if they'd noticed that I'd slept so early with my exams right around the corner.

Angel of Grief  by William Wetmore


I woke up at around 2-3 am. I was running a very high temperature. I put a thermometer to my mouth and it read 104 F. I knew something was wrong. It was not the usual fever that comes and leaves without much trouble. The next day, I was fully on fever medications and had intermittent spikes of fever. I had every symptom of dengue fever. Saddle back fever, extreme bone pain, retro-orbital pains and all just like it was written in the book. However, I did not want to get lab tests done or get admitted in a hospital. I knew that would be even more unbearable. However, I was also aware of the danger signs and the management of dengue fever. So I kept a check on myself for them and kept myself well hydrated. I did not take NSAIDs that might interfere with my platelet function. I treated myself the way I thought was the best !

The problem started when people close to me started accusing me of not reading for my exams, not taking responsibilities for my own health, not seeking medical attention etc. The fever also started getting worse. It made me severely myalgic and tired. I could not even stand. I even fell once when I tried to. Nausea and episodes of vomiting made the situation even worse. I ate very little. It was the most torturous period of my life. I had to read for my exam which I couldn't. Not even a bit ! I simply lay alone on my bed and slept most of the time.

As the day of the exam neared, I became more and more nervous. The fever was still the same. Death from dengue was even OK for me but flunking univs ! I couldn't even imagine what would happen if I flunked! No one was there to support me emotionally. No one who would tell me that I could get through, was close. Friends did text and sent Get well messages. But they seemed too superficial. I don't blame them. After all, they had their exams to study for !

On the day of the exam, I felt a little stronger. I was surprised cos I couldn't even stand by myself till then. I rode my bike by myself, drove up to the exam hall. I spoke with no one. (I know, speaking with people would discourage me, cos they'd be discussing the subject and I might not know). I wrote the test. But I did feel sleepy and tired most of the time. I didn't care much of what happened around me. Somehow I survived through the test. The fever and the terrible myalgia stayed with me for about 10 days in all.

The results. I did pass my exam with distinction.

But the moments of loneliness and the despair I had to go through were the most painful of all. That wasn't the direct effect of the dengue virus. Of course, the dengue viruses (the different serotypes) can attack together and can even kill. But this time though, the virus decided to run a benign course on me. But the pathological mechanisms of loneliness and despair were induced by the environment and the people around, and also by some of my own decisions. Anyway, after that painful period, when I had to play the role of a suffering patient, dengue left me a bit wiser !

---------
Dr. Abialbon Paul
Though my literary skill are almost non existent, I love blogging and photography.
My photopage: www.facebook.com/abialbonpaul.photos
This is my blog and is about a year old. Do feel free to roam around and communicate. Thank you.

Friday, January 11, 2013

Your spouse's smile is your priority !

I am supposedly in the marriageable age and many of my friends are getting engaged/married. Well, here is a post that address all such married or to-be-married people.

It's perfectly OK to expect many things out of your marriage to your spouse. You get a hand to hold on when you're weak or cold or lonely perhaps, you get a shoulder to lean on, you get laps to lie on and so on...
A relationship is not a gold mine from which you can keep extracting good things out. It would eventually run dry until you keep adding something to it.

So what is that you should give? What is the priority need?

Your partner's smile is your priority. Give anything or everything to keep happiness glowing on your spouse's face.

Let me explain how this would ensure internal stability to this system !

Situation 1:
Ben and Bella are married. (Names are randomly chosen by chance. Any references to real persons are purely unintentional and coincidental !!). Ben gets fired by his boss. He comes home furious. He vents out his frustration at home. Bella gets offended. She screams at the top of her voice. And that's like a match stick thrown on a dry forest. A forest fire ensures!

Situation 2:
Ben and Bella. Ben gets fired by his boss again. (Poor Ben :-p ). He comes home furious. He vents out his frustration at home. Bella gets offended. But her priority is her spouse's smile. She remains cool. She pacifies him. She encourages him. She makes him feel better. Ben feels good. He smiles... And then... :-)

Well, real life situations may be tougher than this. But is never impossible. 
COMMITMENT is all it takes.




Thursday, December 27, 2012

Happiness is My Ambition: End of 2k12 post!

Well, this year, 2012, has had both joyful moments and not-so-joyful moments. To be honest, there were many-a-times tearful moments that tested my heart's capacity to hope. Indeed, life is made beautiful with all these emotions giving colour to our mundane lives and building up our character and strength.

But happiness is a choice ! And it is up to us to CHOOSE it ! 
No matter what life brings our way, we need to understand that our evanescent lives are not to be wasted sitting around a corner and eating our grief. We need to rise up, create our own happiness and even better share it.

Here are some of what I found would help me create happiness !

1. Happiness is found in company of friends

















Sometimes you may have to search for solitude and reflect upon your lives. But largely, being in a company of good friends puts a spirit of happiness in your heart, makes you feel loved and accepted.

2. Happiness is found in helping a fellow soul















Giving is more blessed than receiving. By helping others, we create in ourselves a sense of joy and security. It builds up faith and hope in humanity.

3. Happiness is found on becoming a child again


















Chasing bubbles, playing with pets dogs and cats, running around with laughter, a sweet smile of innocence...

4. Happiness is found in communicating with your loved ones

















Nothing can be more sweet !

5. Happiness is found in love

















And love is found everywhere, if you've got the eyes to see it. Brotherly love, sisterly love, parental love, love for our friends. LOVE makes this world go round. And it still does, even after Dec 21, 2012.


6. Happiness is found in the work you love


















Now that's me :-p


7. Happiness if found in your achievements

















However great or small, your achievements make you fell good, build your self esteem, and earn respect.

8. Happiness if found in relaxing & reflecting















Take a break and care for yourself too.

9. Happiness is found in nature















A sunrise/ A sunset can make the your day !

10. Happiness is found in fighting the despair

















Everyday you won't return home from work with a feeling of achievement. Everyday won't trun out to be the best of days. Certain days turn out to be bad, some worse. Fighting the odds of life and staying firm in hope put back happiness.

Wish you a very happy & productive new year, 2013. 
Thank you.

Comments welcome !


Happiness is what we choose...what we create ! 

Saturday, November 24, 2012

A Ray of Hope !



This is the first photo taken by me with my old point & shoot camera which actually stimulated me to take up Photography as a hobby. Nothing great about this photo but somewhere in it, I saw, 
A Ray of Hope.

If you like my photos and would like to have a look at them, use the following links
Facebook page :https://www.facebook.com/Abialbonpaul.photos
Flickrhttp://www.flickr.com/photos/abialbon

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Are you Facebook addicted?

Just because someone uses Facebook too much doesn't mean that he/she is addicted. Get the concept right. Addiction, as for anything else, has a characteristic withdrawal reaction. What I mean is that a person who is addicted to Facebook will feel uncomfortable/irritated/depressed if he/she is forcefully denied access to Facebook.

There are people who post two status updates a day. The like and comment on all the posts. But force them to stop Facebook, they'll shift to some other activity. They are communicative, creative, enthusiastic and energetic. Their Facebook activity is just a reflection of these characteristics. 

There are other people who never update their status. Rarely do they like or comment. They don't come online either. But deny them access to Facebook and their hands start itching. 

So how to check if you are addicted?

Abstain from Facebook for 5 days. Check how many times you get the impulse to check for Facebook notifications. If the urge comes >5 times/day, you are addicted.

P.S. I did my 120 hour facebook abstinence test few months back and found I'm not addicted :) 


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Looking forward...



My dreams aren't clear and my destination unknown
but I do see light at the other end.
Abialbon Paul

Saturday, August 11, 2012

You have no idea - The dark side of me...

You absolutely have no idea of the tears that I've shed nor of the pain I've gone through. Yet you judge me based on the little knowledge you have. What you consider success means nothing to me. 

I don't yearn for money. Nor for fame. I desire a peaceful life. For I've undergone so much trouble and discontent that my heart fears to desire anymore. A peaceful day and a peaceful night's sleep is more than enough for me. 

You accuse me of mediocrity. You accuse me of laziness. You accuse me of not fulfilling your dreams.

Do you have any idea of what my dreams are? Do you  know my selfless intentions? Do you know the thoughts of my mind? Do you know the yearning of my soul?

You laugh at me when I fall. You discourage me when I rise up. You compare. 
You tell me I've achieved nothing in my life. You tell me I'll achieve nothing in my life. You mock my ideas. You mock my little achievements

Do you know how often I'm depressed? Do you know how often I wish to sleep but am tormented with pain? Do you know how it pains when I feel lonely?

You talk with everyone. You smile at everyone. But when you see me you are repelled away. You feel I'm so insignificant. You think I have no feelings. 

Do you know how my heart is burdened? Do you know how I long for company?

You think I've some headache. You consider me an headache. You think it's my top excuse. 

Have you felt the pain that torments me? Do you know that suicidal thoughts have come to me in the peak of excruciating pain mixed with depressed feelings? Do you know how I suffer? Do you know that it affects all dimensions of my life?

Yet with all my imperfections, I've have a little ambitious thoughts. My dreams are selfless. I don't think about tomorrow. I'm bent upon making today peaceful for another soul like me.
Because when I see, I can feel the pain of another soul.

You have no idea of the tears I've shed