Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts

Saturday, October 19, 2013

The Pain That Perfects

The door opened and a slender figure carrying a two year old boy on her hip entered.

An expression of relief spread over her countenance shadowing the fatigue and exasperation after waiting in a long queue forgoing her breakfast. Holding her son with one hand, she held out the case sheet to the junior surgeon standing near a raised bed. She was tall and thin, modestly dressed and her hair properly kempt. It was hard to tell from the first glance that she was bitten by poverty. It required a closer and a keen look to reveal that her clothes were very old and her hair were losing pigments and appeared too brittle. The boy she was carrying was wearing a short pant and a dirty tee. He had those big round eyes which were now scanning the shabby little room with curiosity.

The junior resident got the case sheet and went through the notes written by a senior surgeon. The notes described how the disease started its manifestations and how it has progressed so far. At the end was written instructions for the junior resident for the minor surgical procedure to be carried out to relieve the patient of the symptoms. This particular case notes ended " Incision & Drainage". The little boy had an abscess full of purulent pus on his chest that has to be incised and drained.

Now in this hospital it was a common practice to do incision and drainage of small abscesses without the use of any anaesthetic. There were many reasons they gave supporting it but still, in my opinion, it was simply one of the cruellest forms of surgery. The pain will be sort-lived, of course, but would be excruciating. Imagine the scalpel cutting through the already tense skin covering an inflamed abscess. Whatever it was, no one questioned such practices. Such practices have been in use since no one remembered when and it had come to be accepted routine and normal.

The junior surgeon gestured and the lady moved closer to the examination couch. She made the boy lie down on it. The junior surgeon was assisted by a uninterested orderly who stood by his side passing on the gloves, instruments and the other things needed. No time was wasted. The boy's chest was cleaned and the instruments to cut open the abscess were all ready in the hands of the confident surgeon.

The next 15-20 minutes were hell for the little boy and everyone around. He made a loud cry with his shrill voice. It made me very sad. But as kept watching, I noticed something very strange. The boy's mother was forcing him to stay still when the surgeon cut open his chest abscess. I saw tears rolling down the mother's cheek but she was determined not to let her child move. In a way, she was imposing so much pain on him but, at the same time, was silently suffering as well.

Why would she put her own child under the knife?
Why would she not let him alone?

She believed that the abscess was going to harm her child. She believed that though the surgeon would impose more pain, the pain would be temporary and do good.

Life does this to us at times. There'no no way of escaping from pain but just endure and let it perfect you.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” 
― Oprah Winfrey


Sunday, March 24, 2013

Confessions of a Medico - I

I don't have anything 'interesting' to share on these 'confessions' or 'anonymous proposal' pages that have loomed over several social networking sites recently. But this is what happened to me during my medical undergraduate training.

The day I walked into JIPMER, my medical school, I absolutely had no sense of purpose. I had no great ambitions. I wasn't sure of my choice. I had cleared the eligibility tests for JIPMER, AIEEE and wasn't sure which one to choose. And I hadn't thought of other options ! (I had been selected for the National Biology Olympiad the previous year, which stimulated my interested in Biological sciences. I probably thought learning human physiology and pathology would be great.)

Just few days into my first year and I was sure I had made a wrong decision. I badly wanted to talk with someone. I wanted to throw a tantrum and somehow leave the course. Nothing materialized. I was not performing so well in the exams (Though, I never failed one!). As I was struggling through, something happened to me that changed me a lot ! Friends ! (Not the serial, I mean my real friends).

In the university exams that marked the end of the first year of MBBS, I topped all the three subjects. (Actually top marks in two subjects and 2 marks less than the topper in one). That motivated me to move forward. I moved to second year and loved the para-clinical subjects very well. But little did I realize that I had crossed the point of no return !

Second year went on well. But the third, the fourth and the internship were hell.

There was nothing wrong with the course. I simply did not like it. Further to make things worse, there was always a pain to torment me.

I had this problem of migraine for long. For many, migraine was just another headache. But for me, it was a brainquake that occurred once on a happy week, five to six days on a worse week ! The pain's worse, and the pre & post migraine phases were no better. They made me depressed many a time. They robbed me of every little joy in my heart and strength in my muscles.

I can't describe in full how much I suffered. I wanted to run away in between but was too tired to do so. Somehow, I passed every subject with distinction and got some gold medals too.

I don't say that I would have not suffered if I had chosen some other profession. Every profession has its own troubles. It's the passion for the profession that keeps people going. I found myself having none or too little passion towards this profession. However, in all these, I kept patient care a priority. You can read about some of my patient encounters in this blog.

Till now, I have no clear idea if I have made a wrong choice. But I have no regrets. Because, in the course of my MBBS, I have learnt the following: (and probably much more, I have failed to pen down here!)

1. "If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.", Sir  Isaac Newton said. If I have come this far, it's because I have stood on the shoulders of my friends.

2. If there's a God, I never understand why He won't intervene and change things for the better. But now, after crossing MBBS, I strangely feel so strong. I feel I can tackle anything that comes my way. I have seen the worst and have survived. Probably God has a purpose in everything of which we have little knowledge! Or that is how we should console ourselves!

3. I have learnt to live life. One day at a time. Trying my best to live life to the maximum.

4. What matters to me at the end of the day?
It's not the knowledge gained or the awards collected. It's not the Facebook likes or the no. of blogger page visits. Wisdom. Creativity and innovation. The positive impact I create on the life of people around me. The purity of love in my relationships. These are the things that matter most to me.

5. Happiness is what we create for ourselves. Respect & Trust are what we earn for ourselves. These are certain things that can never come by force or power.

That's all for now ! Happy week ahead !