Expressions of Love: Inspirations

Love is not just a feeling or an emotion that can be stored up in hearts. My understanding of love is that it is the propelling force that makes one show utmost respect, utmost care to someone continually and unconditionally. Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to one's own. It fact, it becomes the priority over your own happiness. True love is consuming. “True love is like cancer that arises in the heart and permeates your soul until you lose yourself selflessly for the other”.

Now, however, open criticism is better than unexpressed love. Indeed love is full of action, but love has to be expressed and enjoyed. People often have a desperate need to hear from their significant ones that they are loved, that they are being cared for. People have become too busy these days. The best excuse for a workaholic husband is that they work because they love & care for the family. Well, true, but if you fail to express your love, you'll be failing in the most fundamental commitment of marriage.

As a part of Getting Trained For Marriage, I have enlisted some of my ideas for expressing love. I hope it will be an interesting read.

1. Words:

Words form the basis of our communication, especially when it's not face to face. In a face to face communication, the body language plays a major role. Words can be magical. Words can cast spells. Choicest words are but poor man's diamonds to express love. In the present busy world, we communicate a lot through short texts (SMS, Internet messaging, etc.). Whatever medium is used, words can stir up romance if a little care is taken to express love. Choose the right and sweetest of words and present them lovingly. If I happen to meet that special person, I would be sending a lot of love letters. The emotions that a hand written note can conjure up is not to be underestimated. Leaving sticky notes over common places serves as a means of short communication peppered with a lot of love.

"I've bought coffee and refilled the cookie jar, honey. 

I'd be thinking of you over coffee. 

Will be coming late from work." 

on the kitchen shelf is sure to relax and make your spouse's evening more beautiful.

 Written reminders of every day simple and beautiful moments maintained in a journal will be a great treasure to remind you of your glorious youthful days when you are old and frail.

Here are some of my own little notes!! 

Here are some I took from the internet!

2. Listen

It is in fact more important to listen than to talk. Listening is an act of love. Listen to understand and not to judge. Listening helps one to understand the perspective from his/her spouse's point of view. Arguments are healthy. What is unhealthy in an argument is when a spouse partially listens and fails to see the entire picture and gets his/her ego hurt. There is no place for any competition or superiority in marriage. Listen. Understand. Care.

3. Time Together

Spending time together is an act of love. Most spouses live in the same house living completely separate lives! Taking time off busy schedules every day and spending time together will renew the beautiful bond of marriage every single day. Scientifically speaking, it has many benefits. Touch is a very important sensation that releases a substance called oxytocin into the blood. It helps to form the feelings of a physical bonding. It also elevates the mood, decreases depressive feelings and makes a person feel good. Spending time together will take away the feelings of loneliness and foster a healthy body and mind. At times, a hug, holding of hands and a gentle caresses can work more wonders than the most powerful of medicines.

4. Share Every Work

I really don't completely agree with the 'divide n rule' policy when it comes to managing household chores. There is no reason why the kitchen should be the wife's department and the garage or the garden should be the husband's department. Instead, every work must be shared as much as possible. This will enable spending more time together. It also relieves the pressure of stress on each other as two heads are always better than one. The company of one will help the other in getting the work done more efficiently and make it more enjoyable.

5. Put a Smile on Your Spouse

Your spouse's smile. That's the whole indicator of a successful love story. I have written about it in a separate post already. Your spouse's smile is your priority!

6. The Courage

To propose love to someone and ask for his/her hand in marriage requires a lot of courage. And this courage is a sign of expression of love. For even though I write this, I am confused. Great relationships often start as good friendships. According to me love is but a long term commitment of respect, care and responsibility that only deepens friendships and does not destroy it. However, in the real world there are too many other things that can complicate this; a broken past, stubborn parents who vehemently oppose love marriages, etc. Often love is confused for lust in this corrupt world. That makes it a huge risk to propose love to someone with whom the relationship started budding as friendship. To find a person who shares most of the interests and thought patterns is already a difficulty. To take this risk and lose the person forever or miss the chance of a beautiful lifelong journey together is a tough decision that will haunt human minds forever. 

More to read on Synaptic Sparks on Love & Marriage:
The Ethics of Love
Love letters to the wind - Always By My Side
Can a Digital Rose be Romantic?

Troubles & Tribulations of a 24-Year Old Bachelor!

It had dawned just like any another day. Nothing was too special nor too tragic about the day that it was worth any iota of my remembrance. Until...

"Don't give up hope. Everything will be all right, things will change for the better"

"What's wrong? You know you can discuss freely, right?"

What's wrong? Why is everyone acting so weird? I pondered. "Nothing", I murmured back.

I fell exhausted on my bed, my thoughts still researching what had called for such exaggerated concern all of a sudden. My curiosity only grew more and finally deciding to know the reason, I stormed out of my room and asked her. Momentarily taking her eyes off the computer screen, she looked at me over her glasses and answered me in gestures by stroking her chin I mimicked the same and my hands could feel the coarse bristles of overgrown hair on my beard. 

Phew... My dear God, why is it that I am always lazy and slack when I don't get things done in time but when I don't get a shave on time and grow a beard it becomes a quintessence of depression and love failure. This was not the sole occurrence of such demeanour, I realize that I've been facing certain troubles which I could say are rather peculiar to my present status: A Bachelor!

The other day, I was about to put a whole gulab jamun into my mouth. I was holding it in my hand. The sweet jaggery was almost dripping. It was looking so delicious and my mouth had already started watering. Ah...that happy reunion, that fleeting sweet love affair that was about to happen then was aberrantly broken off by an offbeat question from some nonchalant voice from behind.

"When are you getting married?"

I turned around and the gulab jamun clutched in my hand was carefully snatched. And before I could make a move or open my mouth, that slender figure disappeared amongst the crowd. I did not complain because it was a marriage reception that I was attending. I could get more gulab jamuns, as much as it pleased me. But that question put me out of mood for food.

I lay awake in my bed that night pondering over that disturbing question. "When will I get married?" I kept asking myself. Normally I wouldn't let such thoughts disturb me. But then, recently I had developed such anuptaphobia that I had asked such questions to myself several times before. All of my anuptaphobia stems from the fact that I live in an environment where love is just trampled over by the self-centred, the self-indulgent and the proud. No day ever passes without the sad story of the unfortunate love failures, marriages in shambles and desperate singles.

I have received so much advice so far that I can almost write a "How to find a girl for marriage" book out of it. Some excerpts...

"Keep searching. Keep trying. You'll will surely hit"

"Go girl hunting yaar, you're wasting your time"

"Get yourself registered in a matrimonial and find a girl soon, isn't it getting late?"

I am just 24 years old. Some feel it's too early (for marriage), some, too late. To be frank, I keep oscillating between the two like a disturbed pendulum pushed by people on either sides. There are times when I simply don't care and there are times when I am totally bothered and apprehensive. The fact is I do believe in a God and I know things will go on well for me. But then, God helps those who help themselves. There is a fine line between when you should be patient and hopeful and when you should take a step of action, a leap, courageously. And this fine faint line is seen by a wisdom which I am in desperate need right now.

Your spouse's smile is your priority !

I am supposedly in the marriageable age and many of my friends are getting engaged/married. Well, here is a post that address all such married or to-be-married people.

It's perfectly OK to expect many things out of your marriage to your spouse. You get a hand to hold on when you're weak or cold or lonely perhaps, you get a shoulder to lean on, you get laps to lie on and so on...
A relationship is not a gold mine from which you can keep extracting good things out. It would eventually run dry until you keep adding something to it.

So what is that you should give? What is the priority need?

Your partner's smile is your priority. Give anything or everything to keep happiness glowing on your spouse's face.

Let me explain how this would ensure internal stability to this system !

Situation 1:
Ben and Bella are married. (Names are randomly chosen by chance. Any references to real persons are purely unintentional and coincidental !!). Ben gets fired by his boss. He comes home furious. He vents out his frustration at home. Bella gets offended. She screams at the top of her voice. And that's like a match stick thrown on a dry forest. A forest fire ensures!

Situation 2:
Ben and Bella. Ben gets fired by his boss again. (Poor Ben :-p ). He comes home furious. He vents out his frustration at home. Bella gets offended. But her priority is her spouse's smile. She remains cool. She pacifies him. She encourages him. She makes him feel better. Ben feels good. He smiles... And then... :-)

Well, real life situations may be tougher than this. But is never impossible. 
COMMITMENT is all it takes.

Getting trained for marriage !

Training seems to be an absolute requirement these days!

Starting from the toilet training we had as young children, we continue to receive training of various sorts irrespective of whether we like it or not! 
I had to undergo 14 years of school training, 5.5 years of basic medical training and now 3 years of MD and further 3 years of DM. Not only these, even smaller periods of training, I had. Like the Bible training I had at Church, the training for PG thesis, training for Therapeutic Drug Monitoring etc...etc..
I also trained myself in Photography & basic post processing techniques.

After all these years, I can realize the value of training and the effect that it had on me. So I begin to ponder are people being trained to become better spouses/parents? Though I have some 2 or 3 years more probably before I'd get married, I feel I should get trained to shoulder the responsibilities that would arise.

Yes, we had Moral science classes at school, but I feel a greater need for more enlightenment into the principles that have made better spouses/parents.

So how??

As of now, I am not very sure as to how! But I see certain ways it can be done. I'll draft a plan how I can get this done. I going to train myself.
Here, I put some of the some ideas, I've got.

The Golden Principle:
I realize that I have some expectations of how my spouse should be. So would she, with expectations of how I should be.
So my plan is to make a list of qualities I desire to see in her and cultivate it in me. 

I also would read good books on this subject. Not those self help books. Books like "The Love Dare", I mean.

Maybe after drafting my plan, I would blog it. You can share your ideas with me too. 

- Abialbon@gmail.com :-)

Have a nice week ahead.

Top 10 reasons Why You should Marry a Photographer

This is just a fun post. I found many photography blogs with list of reasons on why one should date a photographer. So I thought of creating my own list.
Below are some of my ideas.

Top 10 reasons why you should Marry a Photographer!
(in no particular order)

1. You get to visit the most scenic places. Your vacations never go in vain.
2. You always look great in your photos because a photographer can make anything/anyone look beautiful!
3. You'll rediscover a new life. You'll start getting inspired by sunrises and sunsets. You'll enjoy the birds chirping over tree tops. You'll see a new beauty in the blooming flowers, in silent lakes, on a peaceful star studded night, etc.
4. A photographer appreciates your beauty much better.
5. The photographer knows to how to focus and where to focus. So you will always be in his focus.
6. The photographer is a geek. He's a techno guy. You'll always have first hand expert help.
7. All your life's memorable moments will be captured and kept to cherish.
8. A photographer is an interesting person. He has much things to share and your life is never boring.
9. Your profile picture in Facebook will look great.
10. You'll save money in hiring professional photographers.

Waiting for a pair !

Today morn, I'd wasted some 20 minutes of my precious time trying to find a pair. I kept searching for long without luck.

Wait a minute!!! I meant I'd searched for a pair of socks !!

Yeah, whatever I could get was single and without its pair and it was quite frustrating. Of what use is it to have an unpaired socks?? May be I would hang it near the chimney hoping Santa Claus would come by on Christmas eve and deposit some gift for me! After I'd brought down my entire cupboard, I finally succeeded in finding a blue pair and wore it.

Then I went to my shoes. I had these nice pair of shoes for almost three years now. I'd always boasted about them. They were original Italian shoes and were stylish and lasted long. But today as I was putting them on, I noticed that the heel of one of them was badly torn. So torn it was that I would not be able to wear it to work. I was struck with an unpaired shoe.

So...

Of what use it is to have an unpaired shoe?? Useless, isn't it. But now what do I do? I've never gone to work wearing sandals. I was always wore shoes to work. So I took my father's old pair of shoes and polished them so they didn't look unsightly anymore. I wore them to work finally.

Almost a bad start it was! I was a little bit pissed off and it did reflect in my actions. I was harsh and rash in handling things. And then I broke one of the glasses in my spectacles !

And again...

Of what use is an unpaired glass in the spectacles? Useless...  Nothing more to say on that.

Today I was reading a scientific article evaluating some active principle from a plant extract's efficacy in decreasing aging. And you might be knowing that ageing is process that goes on as a result of oxidative injury brought about by Reactive Oxygen Species (ROS). They are also known as free radicals. I was just lost in deep thought as I skimmed through the article.

Here's an image of the free radical

Here you see the orange coloured atom. That's the culprit. And it behaves like a culprit because it has an unpaired electron. You can appreciate that. This makes the atom to behave violently and attack the DNA of the cell and cause damage. In fact the diagram shows how an antioxidant donates one electron and calms down the unpaired electron.

An unpaired socks

An unpaired shoe

An unpaired glass in the spectacles

An unpaired electron.

An unpaired me !!!

Hereby I come to an understanding that being unpaired will make you useless. Worse still, it might make you destructive as well. And this pairing done inappropriately makes it still more worthless.

So get paired. Properly paired.

All the best!

The Ethics of Love

This post is a part of my "Getting Trained for Marriage" post. I try to learn the principles of a good relationship through whatever I observe. Being a post graduate medico in Pharmacology, I was talking a class on ethics for some students. This post is a result of post-class effect (musings).

How would you react when your doctor performed an appendectomy on you and charged you when there was no actual need?

How would you react when your personal information was shared to others without your knowledge by your doctor?

Unethical aren’t they??

How would a girl react when she finds after her marriage that her husband had been a chronic smoker and has actually cheated her? (If love was true, he should have stopped smoking for his love instead of trying to cheat)

All is fair in love & marriage, they say. Is is so? Are thousand lies acceptable for establishing a lifelong relationship in marriage?

If your answer to the above questions is “yes”, just imagine yourself to be on the wronged side for a moment!!

There are certain ethical principles which every medical professional is supposed to follow. I find that these provide certain principles on how we should treat our most loved one as well. Well, isn’t this relationship more important than the doc-patient relationship!!

The Principle of Autonomy

You love a person. You propose. But you are left with a rejected proposal and a broken heart. What do you do?? Find out the reason behind the rejection. Explain your love more clearly. Show your love in action to him/her without offending the other person. Give time for the emotions of love to take root in the other heart. NEVER FORCE or ATTEMPT TO FORCE. Love never buds by force. It rather would die.

If it still doesn't work out, move away gracefully.

And just because you are united together in marriage, never force decisions or orders on your spouse. Appreciate individuality and foster autonomy.

The Principle of Beneficence/ No Harm

Ask yourself.

“What’s the purpose of this love?”

“Is your love a means by which you serve your own interest?”

Many people get this thing totally wrong. The major reason why young people seek out for relationships while at their college is peer pressure. Their main aim to show others they too have a girl/guy with them.

You are to love someone to make him/her happy. It is to sacrifice everything of yours to benefit the other. As I put in my words, “True love is like a tumour that arises in the heart And permeates your soul until you lose yourself selflessly for the other”
If you love someone for your happiness, to satisfy your ego or lust then you’re merely using them. And it equates to harming them.

But then, do you loose yourself because of love ! No ! I don't think so. But rather, in mutually trying to seek for the best of the other, a richer and fulfilling relationship will form! I hope.

The Principle of Justice & Equality

You come home late but you get angry at your partner when the meeting at her workplace took his/her time.

You rest all Sunday but you expect your partner to cook, to clean, to care the child etc..etc..

So many examples can be given in this regard.

Whatever privileges you’re allowed, your partner has them too.

Whatever law binds your partner, binds you as well.

The Principle of Confidentiality

Major relationship break ups occur because one of the members divulges information about the other to the outer world. And these social networking sites come handy in breaking relationships! Happens mostly by girls, though not exclusively. In their gossip hours, they let out certain personal info of their significant other.  This could start an unhealthy conversation about your significant other and may sow hatred in hearts. Unnecessary doubts and suspicions can be kept at bay if certain levels of confidentiality are maintained.

Have your principles right. Principles are the guiding posts to reach your purpose in life.

I do appreciate your comments as I go on with my "getting trained for my marriage" posts !