Expressions of Love: Inspirations

Love is not just a feeling or an emotion that can be stored up in hearts. My understanding of love is that it is the propelling force that makes one show utmost respect, utmost care to someone continually and unconditionally. Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to one's own. It fact, it becomes the priority over your own happiness. True love is consuming. “True love is like cancer that arises in the heart and permeates your soul until you lose yourself selflessly for the other”.

Now, however, open criticism is better than unexpressed love. Indeed love is full of action, but love has to be expressed and enjoyed. People often have a desperate need to hear from their significant ones that they are loved, that they are being cared for. People have become too busy these days. The best excuse for a workaholic husband is that they work because they love & care for the family. Well, true, but if you fail to express your love, you'll be failing in the most fundamental commitment of marriage.

As a part of Getting Trained For Marriage, I have enlisted some of my ideas for expressing love. I hope it will be an interesting read.

1. Words:

Words form the basis of our communication, especially when it's not face to face. In a face to face communication, the body language plays a major role. Words can be magical. Words can cast spells. Choicest words are but poor man's diamonds to express love. In the present busy world, we communicate a lot through short texts (SMS, Internet messaging, etc.). Whatever medium is used, words can stir up romance if a little care is taken to express love. Choose the right and sweetest of words and present them lovingly. If I happen to meet that special person, I would be sending a lot of love letters. The emotions that a hand written note can conjure up is not to be underestimated. Leaving sticky notes over common places serves as a means of short communication peppered with a lot of love.

"I've bought coffee and refilled the cookie jar, honey. 

I'd be thinking of you over coffee. 

Will be coming late from work." 

on the kitchen shelf is sure to relax and make your spouse's evening more beautiful.

 Written reminders of every day simple and beautiful moments maintained in a journal will be a great treasure to remind you of your glorious youthful days when you are old and frail.

Here are some of my own little notes!! 

Here are some I took from the internet!

2. Listen

It is in fact more important to listen than to talk. Listening is an act of love. Listen to understand and not to judge. Listening helps one to understand the perspective from his/her spouse's point of view. Arguments are healthy. What is unhealthy in an argument is when a spouse partially listens and fails to see the entire picture and gets his/her ego hurt. There is no place for any competition or superiority in marriage. Listen. Understand. Care.

3. Time Together

Spending time together is an act of love. Most spouses live in the same house living completely separate lives! Taking time off busy schedules every day and spending time together will renew the beautiful bond of marriage every single day. Scientifically speaking, it has many benefits. Touch is a very important sensation that releases a substance called oxytocin into the blood. It helps to form the feelings of a physical bonding. It also elevates the mood, decreases depressive feelings and makes a person feel good. Spending time together will take away the feelings of loneliness and foster a healthy body and mind. At times, a hug, holding of hands and a gentle caresses can work more wonders than the most powerful of medicines.

4. Share Every Work

I really don't completely agree with the 'divide n rule' policy when it comes to managing household chores. There is no reason why the kitchen should be the wife's department and the garage or the garden should be the husband's department. Instead, every work must be shared as much as possible. This will enable spending more time together. It also relieves the pressure of stress on each other as two heads are always better than one. The company of one will help the other in getting the work done more efficiently and make it more enjoyable.

5. Put a Smile on Your Spouse

Your spouse's smile. That's the whole indicator of a successful love story. I have written about it in a separate post already. Your spouse's smile is your priority!

6. The Courage

To propose love to someone and ask for his/her hand in marriage requires a lot of courage. And this courage is a sign of expression of love. For even though I write this, I am confused. Great relationships often start as good friendships. According to me love is but a long term commitment of respect, care and responsibility that only deepens friendships and does not destroy it. However, in the real world there are too many other things that can complicate this; a broken past, stubborn parents who vehemently oppose love marriages, etc. Often love is confused for lust in this corrupt world. That makes it a huge risk to propose love to someone with whom the relationship started budding as friendship. To find a person who shares most of the interests and thought patterns is already a difficulty. To take this risk and lose the person forever or miss the chance of a beautiful lifelong journey together is a tough decision that will haunt human minds forever. 

More to read on Synaptic Sparks on Love & Marriage:
The Ethics of Love
Love letters to the wind - Always By My Side
Can a Digital Rose be Romantic?

Getting trained for marriage !

Training seems to be an absolute requirement these days!

Starting from the toilet training we had as young children, we continue to receive training of various sorts irrespective of whether we like it or not! 
I had to undergo 14 years of school training, 5.5 years of basic medical training and now 3 years of MD and further 3 years of DM. Not only these, even smaller periods of training, I had. Like the Bible training I had at Church, the training for PG thesis, training for Therapeutic Drug Monitoring etc...etc..
I also trained myself in Photography & basic post processing techniques.

After all these years, I can realize the value of training and the effect that it had on me. So I begin to ponder are people being trained to become better spouses/parents? Though I have some 2 or 3 years more probably before I'd get married, I feel I should get trained to shoulder the responsibilities that would arise.

Yes, we had Moral science classes at school, but I feel a greater need for more enlightenment into the principles that have made better spouses/parents.

So how??

As of now, I am not very sure as to how! But I see certain ways it can be done. I'll draft a plan how I can get this done. I going to train myself.
Here, I put some of the some ideas, I've got.

The Golden Principle:
I realize that I have some expectations of how my spouse should be. So would she, with expectations of how I should be.
So my plan is to make a list of qualities I desire to see in her and cultivate it in me. 

I also would read good books on this subject. Not those self help books. Books like "The Love Dare", I mean.

Maybe after drafting my plan, I would blog it. You can share your ideas with me too. 

- Abialbon@gmail.com :-)

Have a nice week ahead.

The Ethics of Love

This post is a part of my "Getting Trained for Marriage" post. I try to learn the principles of a good relationship through whatever I observe. Being a post graduate medico in Pharmacology, I was talking a class on ethics for some students. This post is a result of post-class effect (musings).

How would you react when your doctor performed an appendectomy on you and charged you when there was no actual need?

How would you react when your personal information was shared to others without your knowledge by your doctor?

Unethical aren’t they??

How would a girl react when she finds after her marriage that her husband had been a chronic smoker and has actually cheated her? (If love was true, he should have stopped smoking for his love instead of trying to cheat)

All is fair in love & marriage, they say. Is is so? Are thousand lies acceptable for establishing a lifelong relationship in marriage?

If your answer to the above questions is “yes”, just imagine yourself to be on the wronged side for a moment!!

There are certain ethical principles which every medical professional is supposed to follow. I find that these provide certain principles on how we should treat our most loved one as well. Well, isn’t this relationship more important than the doc-patient relationship!!

The Principle of Autonomy

You love a person. You propose. But you are left with a rejected proposal and a broken heart. What do you do?? Find out the reason behind the rejection. Explain your love more clearly. Show your love in action to him/her without offending the other person. Give time for the emotions of love to take root in the other heart. NEVER FORCE or ATTEMPT TO FORCE. Love never buds by force. It rather would die.

If it still doesn't work out, move away gracefully.

And just because you are united together in marriage, never force decisions or orders on your spouse. Appreciate individuality and foster autonomy.

The Principle of Beneficence/ No Harm

Ask yourself.

“What’s the purpose of this love?”

“Is your love a means by which you serve your own interest?”

Many people get this thing totally wrong. The major reason why young people seek out for relationships while at their college is peer pressure. Their main aim to show others they too have a girl/guy with them.

You are to love someone to make him/her happy. It is to sacrifice everything of yours to benefit the other. As I put in my words, “True love is like a tumour that arises in the heart And permeates your soul until you lose yourself selflessly for the other”
If you love someone for your happiness, to satisfy your ego or lust then you’re merely using them. And it equates to harming them.

But then, do you loose yourself because of love ! No ! I don't think so. But rather, in mutually trying to seek for the best of the other, a richer and fulfilling relationship will form! I hope.

The Principle of Justice & Equality

You come home late but you get angry at your partner when the meeting at her workplace took his/her time.

You rest all Sunday but you expect your partner to cook, to clean, to care the child etc..etc..

So many examples can be given in this regard.

Whatever privileges you’re allowed, your partner has them too.

Whatever law binds your partner, binds you as well.

The Principle of Confidentiality

Major relationship break ups occur because one of the members divulges information about the other to the outer world. And these social networking sites come handy in breaking relationships! Happens mostly by girls, though not exclusively. In their gossip hours, they let out certain personal info of their significant other.  This could start an unhealthy conversation about your significant other and may sow hatred in hearts. Unnecessary doubts and suspicions can be kept at bay if certain levels of confidentiality are maintained.

Have your principles right. Principles are the guiding posts to reach your purpose in life.

I do appreciate your comments as I go on with my "getting trained for my marriage" posts !